the journey...

never ends...

everytime we thought we're there, another winding corner appears and the finishing line is nowhere to be seen.

I have been made humble, to lay down my pride, admitting my ignorance, needs and weaknesses, that I cannot let go... and that I'm in this deeper than I thought. I had thought that I could walk away, but the love binds me, stronger than I had expected.

Sacrifice is a painful lesson, freedom must be bought at a price of blood & tears. A seed must fall to the ground, die, be crushed so that a new plant can bud.

Forgiveness is a painful lesson, a choice that must be made everyday, not unlike a ritual, each day bringing a new challenge, a new struggle, and a new victory to be claimed.

I need time, I need HIM, the answers I seek will not be answered, but for now, I shall let them linger, lest I slip into denial, while my wounds recover. Perhaps the questions is not about seeking an answer, the fact that there is no answer - speaks so much louder about the foolishness and lack of good judgement.

Facing pain is hard, especially when it comes in the form of someone we love. It becomes too easy, to try to move on without accepting, acknowledging and forgiving... but it isn't true forgiveness then, merely another form of denial.

There is a time for everything, a time to smile, a time to rejoice, a time to weep, a time for pain, a time for anger, a time for remorse, a time for rain, a time for storms, a time for rainbows and a time for the sun to shine again. Hence I sit in the rain, with tears on my face, I sit in the storm, against the harsh winds, I wait for the sun to shine... to see the rainbows that remind me of the covenant. Covenants don't expire, I just pray for the faith to see.